Moment this Dreading

2995 Calories. Approximately. Most likely more...
So yeah, I was right, I eat about 3000 calories a day and that is considered "normal" for my family. Its crazy! I don't know how I maintain my weight! I took a 40 minute walk this morning. Was at school all day, that doesn't count for much, and now that it is full on evening I'm trying to jam in as many push-ups as possible and most likely sneak out for a run. I hope I go at least 4 miles non-stop, and I could probably do more... with all those freaking calories to back it up. I'll never lose like this...

Still, the food isn't the worst part of missing Ana. And I DO miss Ana. Ana gives you a warm dizzy feeling when you know you are going strong. When you don't eat for a whole day and you go to bed, you sleep so well. And best of all, you don't have random hormonal urges to have sex. Yes, I do hate when my body decides it wants something I don't get at all, wouldn't you hate your body telling you that it is thirsty when you can't drink? I hate my body for that. I love how my body looks, I only work to perfect it because I feel it is like a good piece of writing that you should never finish working on. But Sexual urges frustrate me. Starving myself was the perfect solution.
Sounds crazy?

How crazy does this sound: I'm eating 3000 calories a day, but I'm going to try to lose weight. Do you think I can do it?

I love you Ana, one day, we will live together in union. My love for you is pure; you sap all lust from me and make me beautiful. I want to be yours Anorexia.