I didn't eat any more, had only 205 calories more of drink: 2 glasses soymilk and 1 green tea.
Total of today is 905 calories. I also ran my mile, literally ran it at a really fast pace, and then I did pull-ups in between walking laps. Total on those was 43: 10, 11, 10 12.
My mother is really suspicious. Asking "what did you eat for dinner?" Of course I ate nothing, but she doesn't know for sure. I know she suspects, she asks me all kinds of subtle questions, as if she really is testing the lies I give her. She tries to act normal, but at least I know that what I choose is not what she thinks of as normal. I think its normal.
I think I am supposed to starve.
I'm really disoriented right now. I will live.
When my thoughts muddle like this, it makes me feel like I know I'm going to lose weight. Like I'm really that low on sugars and energy sources, so my body will use the little fat I have left. I'm afraid at the same time... what if I lose muscle? Of course I want to be lighter, and I don't mind losing a little bit, but there are some features I would like to keep strong. But I can't think of anything I am willing to lose.
I'm still trying.
I am still trying.
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you will lose muscle. Im sorry, but there is really no way around it. and then the body will also move on to eat from you bones, your skeleton. It will do everything in its power to get nutrition when you dont feed it. this will eventually happen if you stay below, i think 1000 calories a day.
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