Dissapear Why?

Why didn’t I post a blog entry last night? Because I went to sleep before 8:00 PM; all because of some serious stress from work. And what sucks worse is I haven’t run in a while, and the stress was taking me down. I had work today, so I had to eat a lot before work. Thankfully I ate at a good pace and it wasn’t that bad of food. 2 slices of extra thin spinach and mushroom pizza for lunch and 2 pieces of Eggo Waffles with some syrup. I had to do it, the previous day was about 700 calories: which was very good. Although I only think it was easy because I didn’t run and I didn’t work out at all.
What did I do all day? I drove to see a lecture by Ann Bannon, a lesbian pulp fiction writer. And I stayed home talking to people on the computer. Plus work, I had a really easy day, until that dress was going to be picked up.
So I work at a dry cleaners. I would say we are very classy cleaners, one that no friend of mine around my age can afford, but we offer good quality. We also use environmental equipment and chemicals, so its very ’clean’ cleaning. But our prices get outrageous sometimes. Our $3.29 a laundered shirt is comparable to dry cleaners in the area, and our newest store’s price of $2.19 a laundered shirt it competitive. But sometimes… when a plain looking silk shirt gets detailed in as a silk blouse per-say the price is around $15. For one shirt kind of garment. Our Wedding dresses are about $300 for the CHEAP ones… and that is where my error comes in. I was way too easy on this customer, and I didn’t get a good look at the dress because it was in a bag. I quoted her $61.89 on a dress that should have started at $265.00. She was willing to put the dress in with the quote I gave, except that shouldn’t have been the price. And it went all the way to my boss before things got ugly. My Boss took some mercy on the fact that I had misquoted… He only gave the garment a $60.00 upcharge to the dress. But that isn’t what makes this too ugly, the customer called me. When I was working. And I was yelled at for “the price changing without [her] permission.” Totally my fault there (even though she should have been charged around $300). But, then she came in. And she was even more angry because the dress was not cleaned to her standards. We had removed stains that had left black streaks all over the bottom lining of the garment. I was personally fed up because the dress was not pressed perfectly, it looked ever so slightly wrinkled- the kind of wrinkled I see on one of the shirts in my closet and I deal with it because: truth is things wrinkle a little- and I was powerless. But I have magical powers: I swear I do. The second she stopped ranting, I looked her in the eye and spoke evenly. I said the truth “I don’t know what I can do for you, but this ruined my Friday too.” And she nearly buys the dress there. Due to my puppy eyes or something. But eventually she reconsiders… anyway, everything is going to work out. Just feels like I was killed of stress for a night. And when I woke up…
I wasn’t ready for the next day. So I ate food. I needed to not collapse today. Its working out. I’m going to run tonight. I’ll have to.
So I’ve focused a lot recently about the bad things, but everything before then was awesome. Right now, I just need little things to keep me going. I’m home with my dad, he is going to make some Banana ice Cream tonight for us- I’m going to have to eat it, but even if I didn’t want to eat it (I guess I’m taking a break?) I’d feel compelled- and I got extra hours at work today. Life is going well, as always. I got 100% on my other blog- I have to blog for a class and my teacher loves everything I say- but you can’t see it because it’s a private network system.
I just spilled green tea on my work shirt. Looks just like water, I feel good. I can’t freak out over the stain because 1. Doesn’t look like a stain 2. Its no big deal: I get free dry cleaning still. I still love my job.
I swear, my friend G. has a bad job. And he doesn’t know it… He loves it. I don’t know, I think the store is awesome, although it doesn’t offer much, and a lot of what it offers is shirts with marijuana or death on them (things he doesn’t endorse) but he likes it there. A little store in the mall- it probably is about the size of my family’s living room with a bathroom attached to the back of it. He gets paid $1.75 an hour. Minimum wage here is a legal $8.00; and THAT is hard to live off of. He couldn’t feed himself with the money he earns; working up to 11 hour shifts, and at least 6 days a week. And if he works at the same time as somebody else he splits pay with them, making basically nothing. No one at his work puts as much dedication into the store as him, not even his boss. I don’t know… he got offered to work at a frozen yogurt store part time, he doesn’t want to take it. It would be a relaxed easy job, not too many hours, and minimum wage pay, something G. could use. Even I could use extra money. Maybe I want that job for myself… I’m going to ask him if its open to me, and I’m always willing to step aside for G. if he needs it for a while. Wouldn’t sharing a job be awesome?

I was going to go to the library today, I have a late fee on a book! I haven’t even been reading that book. Maybe that is what is wrong with my life, sometimes I just know something is up. And I haven’t read in a while.

Girls, sometimes I really don’t know. I just want a life, where I can work and she can work. We can live in a quiet little place- most of my dreams its just an apartment. I want to go to school forever, and I want her to always talk to me. What am I saying? This is just crazy. I’m an emotionless demon. I’ll suck your heart dry. And still you will give it to me because I promise. I make so many promises; but I warn you too. None of them are worth anything.

When I woke up this morning, I felt like I couldn’t make it through today. I’m halfway through, I’ve allowed myself to eat, and I’m not fat, I’m not starving, and I’m not even bloated. Life feels like everything is working out but I’m waiting for something. I don’t know what I am waiting for.
Maybe at the end of today I will be happy enough to know. Melancholy clouds me when I know everything is going to be okay. One day, in the future, I will be even better than I am now. But for now, everything is okay, and tomorrow, everything is okay.
Did you hear that? Everything is going to okay.

Before you go to sleep tonight, tell yourself “everything is going to be okay.”