The title of this post is PAUSE.
Okay, wait.
First, I'm not much of an Anorexic, I'm a wannabe. But I would be even more of a wannabe if I had the freedom to be. I don't eat too much, but I drink so much milk... seriously out of the total 2310 calories I had today 1120 was from milk alone. MILK. And I'm not thin enough to be defined as Anorexic, although you can now see the veins of my stomach and legs as well as my arms and hands. I guess I just have a strong heart.
All due to the LOADS of protein from milk consumption... Maybe if I just switched to skim milk it would all change... But I can't do that, because that isn't in my control. My family will not buy skim milk. So I have to deal with loads of calories and fat and protein.
I did become a sort of Fitspo. Seriously... when I suck in like I used to, its not half as good as it used to be. Where it used to look like I was organless you can see a six pack sticking out... At least I know I invented the workout of the year... even if it does make my stomach protrude (with muscle) at all times. Crazy... Good or bad?
Dangit... Running is getting SO FREAKING HARD. But I ran 2 and a half miles. I don't care how hard it gets... I'm sticking with it. This is like the third lap, where you know you finished halfway, you feel like you can't make it, you want to slow down, you want to speed up, its too far, its too close to give up. I WILL... i don't know...
What am I trying to do?
And another reason to pause... Girls... I'm so sorry. I sound like a nice guy. I talk like a nice guy. I even give you warnings that I am truly a monster. But you still talk to me. I'm evil. I just want you to watch yourself. Because one day, I'm going to ask you if you ever wake up thinking about me, and I'm going to say that I do. I wake up with you on my mind. Its true, but only when we talked last night. Its true, but only when I revisit our conversations in my head. Its true, but it is true for 100 others. It has been true forever. And I am the most shallow man you will ever meet. I give compliments yes. I love you all. I'm so sorry.
I can't just love one.
I don't love just one.
I love nothing but one... And even I don't know.
And I don't know if I just change, or it gets old, or what. I'm on my third lap in love I guess... I always am.
I'm too far, I'm not far enough. The finish line is a lap ahead of a lap. Its too far. Its so close. I'm going to keep running, and see where that puts me.
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this is big stuff.. i wish everything good for you..
ReplyDeleteas already mentioned i dont see the monster u describe, but i guess that on of the monster-ish qualities?
ReplyDeletePurchase you skim milk yourself and you wanted to try it. I have to purchase the healthy stuff alot myself cause my parents dont care to spend extra money on it. and then they get mad when i wanna eat something other then them for dinner, 'cause their foodchoices isnt healthy. But iguess if they are monitoring you it makes i more difficult!