Acheived

I did 1000 Push-ups.

I'm wondering why I am so weak right now. I tried doing one-armed push-ups just a few seconds ago. They were impossibly hard, I was shaking, I failed once even. And when i did the normal push-ups, when i hit 950 (that was around the 18th set cause I did 2 sets of 60 and one of 80) I felt like I couldn't do it. Actually, I couldn't I did 32, and then 18. And then I finished it off with 50.
I do not feel sore.
I just can't work anymore.

I get so tired of always having my mind on myself. I think of myself all day. I don't want to. Right now I tried to renew my book online for the library. Couldn't.
When i read my book I don't often think of me. I imagine the landscape, and the events unfolding. If I ever do place myself within the book it is to observe the textures within the world, or to imagine myself parallel to the main character. In Darknesses, Alcius (I didn't check my spelling, but I'm guessing it looks strange to me because of the font on here) seems such a flawless hero. He always wins. It is because of his natural ability called 'Talent'. But what I admire most about Alcius is his love for his wife. It was a love at first sight story, and although he had no prior experience with women, Alcius handled the relationship perfectly. Always a gentleman, always moving forward. Perfect in ways I wish I could be.
Of course, if Alcius were a real person, and I met him, and I saw that his body wasn't as perfect as he was... I would see it as a fault. I'm working; I'm getting there. But my body too, is weak. Like me.

I hate being weak. I hate thinking of myself. I know I'm trying to be strong. The question is; what for?
I can't give up.
I don't know... I'm hoping I will be able to do more push-ups today.
I like the idea of push-ups. Push-ups are like a form of punishment. And I feel I need to be punished. Especially after I eat. I am not getting thinner. I move around like I am. I look like I am. But the food I eat... it doesn't feel like I could be. Maybe I feel weak because most of what I have eaten is vegetables for the past week. I know I am above 1200 calories a day (considered minimal healthy) and I don't know how much I work off. I feel so tired. I don't know if I can do more.
But I need more
I can't stop here. Goals are made so you can reach them, and then from there you can be free to do whatever you want.

Stay Beautiful