Dehydrated. Late night. Morning tomorrow. Eventually. Going to do something. Need to try. I want to die. Still.
Hour? Don't think so.
I'm here. Typing. Why?
Because nothing makes sense. Not even this feeling makes sense. I don't even know what pleasure is. What is good? What is bad?
The only feeling I seem to be able to detect a difference in is LOVE. I know what love is.
So now what?
Die
Search for Love?
I know
impossible.
Need to do other things like make money. Save lives. Important human business.
What if I became a cat?
Well then I wouldn't be dehydrated.
Music in my room.
A letter I have to RSVP for.
Me.
I suddenly don't want to be here.
Suddenly... meaning a while ago
I hope
this feeling stays forever.
Want to
Die
I think of what it would be like to cut open my eyelids. Would the blood sting my eyes like juice? Feel like salty water against the sensitive tissue? I might dream of things like this. Hoping my life will end.
No... its not some silly feeling
Its something I've been wanting for a while
I want a better reason to die. That is why I haven't died yet.
Because if I had a better reason
I'd be dead.
stay beautiful
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I'm sorry if I've misunderstood, but - don't you want to be perfect?
ReplyDeleteI also don't mean to be insensitive.
Suicide may be the cardinal sin of the universe existing beyond death.
Be LUCID, not LUDIC[rous]
Hold onto ephemeral experiences because there's no substance to the memory. There's no substance to death.
Call your own bluff to inject substance into perfection.
But perhaps you shouldn't take the advice handed out like candy from the creepy village idiot.
I'm sorry.
Why would I ever avoid sin? Cardninal sin; complete freedom. Suicide is Anarchy. Its the kind of self government that destroys self and government.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I never could have called the bluff. I was hoping I wouldn't have to.
I like telling the truth.
Stay beautiful early bird.
You don't 'avoid' sin, it's choice. You CANNOT avoid karma.
ReplyDeleteUnder any system, there is consequence. Beyond all systems, there is law.
Have you forgotten what you were taught in utero?
There are times to stop thinking, writing or theorizing.
BE synchronized, poetry through interaction.
You and I, we each have thumbs.
We each have thoughts of suicide.
Evolution is inevitable, our death is not.