Poet Pendulum

Oceans within.
I wonder if that describes my thought pattern.  Big, mostly empty expanse.  Water like sand, more endless than the desert.  Something cold and always moving.  Dangerous.  Hiding predators in the great darkness at the bottom.

What am I?


I have lied to a girl.  I'm trying to build a staircase to heaven on nothing but feelings.  Those thoughts you feel for a second and then they are gone.  I wonder if the ground I stand on will disappear.  And then I wonder where it is I will fall...
I wonder if an ocean of water will be there to catch me or if there really is nothing else after this.

You never really get over thoughts of suicide until you find yourself thinking of reasons to live.  But if you ever take one step down the same staircase that brought you to the suicidal low you will reach the bottom.  And there...  You just can't get better.
Life is like endless swimming.  Keep your head above water or else you drown.  And dead people just settle at the bottom eventually.



So what am I doing chasing after beautiful faces?  Why do I flirt with someone that says no?  Because I'm worried about myself.  What if I don't have some small reason to live?  What if belief is the only thing holding me up?
I never really got to the point where I believed in God.  So I use you instead.  My readers, the beautiful faces I wish to meet.
I hope to be distracted just long enough to die peacefully.

stay beautiful