HIPPA

I didn't read your post Naz, but you aren't fat.  You're not going to be for a long time.  And when you are its okay.  You're more beautiful than that.
Why the shoutout?

I'm trying to pay you back for all the smiles.



Something... about fabricated kindness irks me.  Kills my mood.  I hate telling someone that can't do something that they can do something.  I don't like telling people that can do something that they can't do it.  And when old people say "I'm blind" they might just be lying.
I volunteered today.
I feel sick.
If I'm not careful I will get sick.  I exposed myself to a lot of bacteria that I'm usually not around.  Enough oxygen in my system and I'll be able to fight it off.  Maybe I will go to the store and buy blueberries.  They are my panacea.



There is... something about nursing homes that lends terror to the mind.  While I was volunteering, a woman screamed for help.  For hours she asked for help and not a single nurse came to her.  I visited the room, introduced myself, asked her what she wanted... but I can't do what she wanted.  I'm not a certified nurse.  She was asking me to do things certified nurses ONLY are allowed to do.  No one else likes her, but she is my favorite.
Among other people there are more tangible personalities.  There is a social woman whom I will name Shark.  She is hilarious, gets into all kinds of trouble.  She asked me to shut the door of the screaming resident as to muffle the noise.  She knew no one was going to help and would have appreciated hearing less of the screaming, but this obviously isolates one person even further.  Shark doesn't care if she is mean; its why I call her shark here.  Shark also loves food!  Food makes her happy... I don't mean she binged, she just is easiest to make friends with over a few small favors like fetching ice water or making her first in line for popcorn.  Shark is easy to get along with.
Some people there... are out of their minds.  One day and I can already see that if I say hi to someone the best answer I will get is an "EHHHHHHHHHH" or ask them a question "EEEEHHHHH"  What day of the week is it? "FREEEEEEHHHHHHHH"  I wonder if this person is in pain.
Another resident can't talk.  Claps her hands...  I'm going to have to learn to communicate with her, because her face is very expressive and she is lots of fun.
I played bingo with a man that can't read or write; he was never taught to read or write and by now his eyesight is poor for such activity.  But he is bright, charming, smart, funny, and handsome in his old man sort of quality.  He has figured out single digit numbers, but hasn't gotten the hang of double digits.  If you said the number 115 he would choose any number with two 1's and a 5 in it.  For some reason he doesn't know order matters...  I let him cheat a little sometimes... he would mark the bingo card for 56 when they called 65.  Hehe...

Nurses do have a hard job.
Some of them can do it well.
Sometimes the hall smells like piss.
There is a reason the facility I was working at was rated 2 stars... And in its current situation (they cut staff recently) it may not measure up that high.  Especially if an inspector hears screaming...  Screaming...
I put slippers on the screaming lady's feet.

Also... readers.  If I ever blog about residents PLEASE comment if I have told you enough to identify them.  I can't do that.  Its against the law.  And I need to make edits.  PLEASE keep me in check.
I'll tell you as much as I can.


I feel so dead on the inside.  I feel sad.  I feel dehydrated.  I feel like I've been killing my soul because I've had to see people that have to ask in order to go to the bathroom, or people that can't eat popcorn because of their specific diet, or because I share the suffering of every person's pain reflex just by being near them.
And...  I wanna feel this dead forever.

stay beautiful