How blind can you be don't you see?
I don't know how I can LIKE myself. Where did I ever get the idea that I was strong or that I had a six pack? I DON'T have a six pack. I'm in the process of working on one. I shouldn't even want one. I want to lose weight. I don't care if I lose weight. I want to fit into a size zero; or whatever size is the lowest possible for my bone structure. I will not be less! But dammit I already am less.
I'd like to tear my hair out, but its too short to tear. I'd like to cut my skin open, but it requires something sharp, it requires making marks. Something I can't bring myself to do. I'd like if someone else did it for me. What if it hurts... oh well, its pain that I deserve right now. Where did I ever get the idea that I was good enough?
I'm sorry.
Forgive me!
How can I ever forgive myself? How can I ever rationalize being taken advantage of? How will I ever tell the next person that cares for me- AGAINST ALL REASON because I'm a waste of effort.
Right now
Wasting effort.
When did I ever proclaim myself an artist? I have nothing to show and yet I feel as though I belong to some artist guild. How did I ever deceive myself into believing I was ever part of anything?
Why can't I just take an eraser and rub it all away?
NO.
I don't need your rationalizations.
I need willpower.
Are you rationalizations going to give me willpower?
The MEANS have BECOME the ENDS if you try to rationalize me. You rationalize me to rationalize, not to cure me. Look at the water before you try to walk across it. Build a bridge first. Do NOT try to walk on water.
I'm not a dog. Not everything you say to me will fix me.
stay beautiful
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what do you need to forgive yourself for? who took advantage of you and in what way? It sounds like there are some things in your past that you cannot deal with. I am not a doctor but have experienced self hatred for being with someone who took advantage of me it's very damaging you need to let go..
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