Bloody

Bloody gallon.  I've given a bloody gallon of blood now.

Why have I been gone?
School.

So I've been weaker than expected

yeah... I'm having trouble keeping up.  Not with the course, but with every assignment I have a minor anxiety attack sort of thing.  I look at it and freeze.  I like to think I'm in complete control of what I do, but when the contents of my stomach haven't been the beautiful air as it should be... I don't think I'm in control.  I've gotten moody because I haven't eaten, or because I haven't had sugar.  I'd rather fall asleep than start a war.
The bandage on my arm is the only thing reminding me to not try something tonight.  I'm likely to do something if given the chance.
because I want to

I'm winning some battles and losing some others.  I got the highest score on my political science exam for the class, but I got an 88.5% (a not so impressive score).  I have the volunteer position for the nursing home.  I'm still 2 points below 100% in one class, and very close to the same perfect score in another.  I've been breathing.
Sometimes that is a victory in itself.


My writing... impresses me.  I have an older voice.  A singing prose.  Something worth reading.  Maybe these fingers will type out a story one day.
I will post it on my DeviantArt if I ever make a story.


Some comical things...  Sort of.
I saw the most beautiful girl I've ever seen with blue hair today.  I've seen her quite a few times... always wishing to tell her something...  Today she also gave blood.
I poked my head through the curtains that separated the bloodgivers from the regular commerce and said "Hi, I'm Daniel"  She told me her name "Do you have time?  I'd like to hang out with you a little after you're done.  You're very beautiful"  She said she has class, but maybe.
My wish came true because she talked to me.  We said things like how we wanted to get away from school (which is almost a lie... because I want to always be in school.  But there comes a time where I must move on so I can return- people keep reminding me I go to school for a reason).  We compared the days we graduated.  She said a little about art and me about my near perfect scores.  I told her I have faults enough.  I remember wanting to tell her she was beautiful again... but the words were stuck this time.  Perhaps I had already used them up. 
She said she had to go to class.
I asked her "Would you mind if I asked you for your number..."  I could tell by the look on her face it was too forward.
She said it was too forward "... or is it too forward?"
Okay
"have a nice day"



I'm looking at myself without a mirror.  People call it self reflection.
I'm not sure what to call it.
I'd like to call it listening
But I don't know what I hear.


I don't know... I tried to get a second job.  I want so badly to get a plane ticket to see Naz.  I don't want to have to dream about it.  I want to take the steps to get there.  But I don't think the interview worked out.  I'm going to have to try sometime in August.  So far away...
I get a year older in August.
Need to finish school or something like that
Need to get out of the house of my parents.
Need to choose










Too much inside
Its like looking in a mirror with a mirror behind you.  Your eyes are somewhere in forevermirrors.  The space seems to stretch out forever, but really you're just looking at the same room over and over again.  More reflections...  I wonder... if...
I wonder if she likes me?


stay beautiful