The same sentence with different meanings

It is amazing what you don't know

You didn't know I was holding the shell of a bomb while talking to you.

You don't know how beautiful I find you.  I can't even think of sex because I'm so awestruck.  I haven't said a word to you and I've known you for how many years?  8?
You saved me from...  something that wouldn't have been so bad.  But something I didn't want.  You saved me.

You don't know how nice you are.

You don't know how beautiful you are.

You don't know how much you care.


You don't know you're a hypocrite.

You don't know that you're never leaving that place.

You don't know that I didn't even want to see you.

You don't know how I can't hate you for the same reasons.

You don't know how often I wish I could hold you

You don't know I think you are ugly.

You don't know what someone else thinks they have hidden from you.
You don't know how much of a hypocrite you are.
You don't know why everyone leaves.  You don't know why they can't talk to you.  You don't know why they all disappear at the same time.  You don't know why you can't focus.  You don't know why no one else is good enough.  You don't even know what you feel.  You don't know what you think.  You don't know who you are.
But its you.
You're the one that is writing this.  You're the one this is intended for.  You're the one that has to own up to all of it.  Because its all true.


And what do you do?
What is the correct response when someone tells you something you don't like about yourself.  "hey, you have trouble waking up in the morning"
A: "oh shit!  I do?"
B: "I know- fuggadaboutit"
C: "Damn... let me try to do better"
D: "What?"
E: "How are you?"
F: "You're confusing"
G: Stop it.  There aren't any answers.  What do you think this is school?


What has school taught me to do?
I can't do homework.  I've never been able to.  So I've failed a lot where other people succeed.  But I work so hard.  I try to work every day.  My play time is work.  Video games is work.
I picked up my controller today saying "I'm going to get better as Diddy Kong"
Now that I look back at it I can see.  But I feel like I haven't achieved that layer of vision when we say we see something but mean we understand it.  I feel like I don't understand myself.  And I feel like i never will.

People tell me all the time how I am being confusing.  But they never tell me how I am confusing.


Do you see?
Do you know?



Violet...  I'll make a deal with you.  How about when you talk to me I'll give you my blog.  You can say anything.  You can say hi.  And I'll give you the title.  I'll share the link.  Please... just talk to me.  I'll text it if I see you in person.  I need your voice before I send it.  I need that... consent.
I read your blog.
You would like to read mine.
Talk to me.
You don't know how hard it is for me to be waiting for anyone to talk.  I never hear back from you.



stay beautiful