Before Day

I always seem to have something to complain about, and right now my shoulders hurt.
The explanation why is easy: I did either 20 or 26 one-armed push-ups so far today with both hands. Sets of six, and the last set was a set of eight. I might even do more...
Eh...
Starving is working. I don't feel half as sick as yesterday. I don't know if I even feel hungry... I can't tell. I'm not out of my mind right now- by that I mean I am not high.
I don't take drugs. I don't drink. Yeah... the high I mean, is when you get so hungry you can't think. That is how I get high. It takes hours to achieve and it never lasts that long. It makes sleep come so easy.
Sometimes it doesn't come at all...

Oh, tomorrow is Halloween. Exciting huh?
For me... I don't know yet. I feel caught. Like all my friends want me to do something but I am not ready. I don't know what I am going to dress up as... I'd like to be a holocaust victim (be creepy thin and stuff... haha). But I can't do that. My hair is long for me. There are alternatives.

So, I don't know if this is a cold that I am starving. But I am getting better already. Yeah, my throat still hurts, and the air in between my ears feels unbalanced. But I don't think about that as often. I'm more worried about how unclean I feel in my room (clutter makes me feel... eh). And my shoulders hurt. I think I can do more one-armed push-ups. I don't know how I will do on food today.


AND... I'm avoiding. Last week (I think?) when I was not writing here. I ate a lot. I gained weight. Probably not 5 pounds, but enough to cover the beautiful veins and the awesome cord-texture of my muscles when I flexed. My hip bones sank just below the skin, you can see where they are, but they don't poke out. I miss the old me. But with this beautiful flu or cold or whatever I have, I will return, maybe even stronger.

We shall see what happens.
Stay beautiful.