Should I?

I sort of want to get away from PT.  Its gross.
Gross that I look at pictures of girls.  That I visit the site just to see beautiful people, because I'm so afraid of the people I see outside.  I don't know what a social club is... or where one is... or where parties are.  I don't even think i want to meet people in the midst of alcohol.  So I use PT.
Gross that I'm looking at something I will never be.  My parents told me today that I could cook myself dinner, I grabbed a pear.  That will be all for that meal.  But... I eat so normal.  I'll never lose weight.  It is so hard to lose weight when you are this low...  6'2" and 140 something pounds or more accurately 70kgs or so.  I'm never going to be 100 lbs.  I'd die.

And... I feel lonelier on the nights where I find myself browsing the forums.  I feel like an idiot when i post.
All I want... it to see someone beautiful.  Everyday, have someone pretty to look at for a long time.  I'm very selfish.

Also...
I want to model.  Sort of.  I know what my body looks like and I want to display it, maybe it will motivate me to lose weight.  Who knows...  I need a photographer.
Who is willing?

stay beautiful