Do not want to post

Freaking 3rd time.

I don't know... I feel like I am just ruining all the respect points I'm getting.  I told my friends last night that I was hanging with them instead of getting head- I mean that is about as intimate as "bros before hoes" gets right?  So...  I have fun with the guys.

Then tonight.
Well.
Got head.


Fuck you.
I hate you.  You and your lazy fucking heart.  You and your lightweight head.  You can't take a few hours without food and you can't do 1000 push-ups anymore.  You get weaker every day without me.  You live without me.
I promise you death.  Beautiful death that makes life all the more fucking precious.  You can get all the head you want when YOU'VE STARVED YOURSELF ENOUGH TO ENJOY IT.
You need to be perfect before you let another woman touch you.
PERFECT.

...........
That was me.  Talking to myself.
Everyone talks a little to themselves...


I wanna
but I don't.


My primary objectives are in the course.  I'm not perfect.  I don't deserve to be spoiled by her.  She has a boyfriend (and its not me).  So.............. 
I don't understand.
I'm not worth losing a relationship over.
Its hard enough for me to think I'm worth losing my own weight for.  ahhhhhh.
Hate
hate
hate hate hate life.
But I'll love it tomorrow...



Gonna wake up soon.
Its 2:40am almost.  I wanna wake up at 6:00am tomorrow.  I KNOW I want to do that.
Don't object to that.  There is enough to object to with me.
Fucking going crazy hating myself.



stay beautiful