Insular Mindlessness

I can't write this yet.
Now I can.

I taste blood in my nose.  And today, i got so dizzy that I couldn't see.  Then I binged, and I felt like the only two thoughts I could hold were the strangest things in the world.  The first was "Why I am eating?" and the second was "Why am I still dizzy no matter how much I eat?"
But an hour later the disorientation subsided so I was just left brooding over the sheer calories I consumed.

I now have two jobs.
I am on break from school.  But its dumb having two workloads to complete.  Two schedules to think about.  I want to find someone to train for my second job so I can only have my first job.  I only want one job all of a sudden.  And I just finished my first day.

Today I looked down at my arms.  They look so average when relaxed.  I want to rip them to shreds... actually I want to bite them.  I've found biting myself to be fulfilling.  I love the look of the purple teeth marks from gnawing at my loose skin.  I don't taste all that wonderful, but if I strike blood I'm ecstatic with pain.  Fucking screwball...
I'm not supposed to look average.  Or relaxed.  But I've been weak.  So weak...

I'll get stronger, I swear I will.
And I won't binge like I did today.
Its repulsive.

Without school, I have decided to continue pursuing Shakespeare.  I might even impress someone one day.  For what other use is there to Shakespeare?

I've got to go...
Disc 2 of Hamlet.


Stay beautiful