Blame God

Life feels like a mistake.
And I feel cornered.  The walls at my back block out the light, and my closed eyelids darken the rest of the world.  I feel like sleeping.  The body lays down in a chair, lays down while standing, lays down driving.  Ready to sleep in the notice of a moment.
I saw a beautiful girl today.
I said goodbye to my cousin today.  I get an odd feeling of what I'm missing with her.  She is so beautiful.  I know... I enjoy her so much because I crave beauty enough that anything would do.  I wish I could stroke her cheek.  But she is a younger cousin by 6 years.  No one would understand me.

So instead I dream that someone will come along.
I could have talked to the pretty face i saw today.  But I felt she was so far away...
I don't want to try to get close to something far away.  I'm not the type to hunt for something that runs away when it hears you approaching.  I'd like someone curious.

I'd like to see Violet.
She was beautiful enough.  Pleasant.  Interested in me... or so I thought.
I'd love to see her again.


I'm hungry.
But I don't want to eat.  It feels like I'm trying to force a smile every bite I chew.  So I will sleep.
I will wake up hungry.
Sunrise Sunset.
Always is the same.



Stay beautiful