A secret without a sphinx

I went on a run today and ran out of energy.
Understandable...

I had a few grapes, some strawberries and milk.  So I walked instead.  I don't remember how far I went... I kinda got dazed and couldn't keep track of what lap I was on.  But it was either 2 or 3 laps- (4 or 6 miles) and I run to the trail I run and that is 5 miles for there and back.
I don't like actually calculating these things.
Its just good to know that I don't give my body all the energy it needs.  So its going to have to cut out some of my fat.  Good.
I was about to cut myself anyways.  I don't know.  Just been tempted.  Its been on my mind a lot.
So I accidentally got my arm messed up.  It looks like I went at it with a knife (and cut really shallow).  This was caused by big wood tables that I carried around as a volunteer.  I helped set-up and clean up.

I need to go to a university.  By that... I mean I really want to.  Its so wonderful how much you have to walk, how many people there are that are my age, and how in depth the classes are.  I want that so much.

But I don't have the GPA.
I have Cs.  I have Cs...
Maybe worse if I don't do work right now.

I want to go away.


Maybe this... is why I want to cut so bad.
Its just so frustrating.  Why?
Why can't I do well?

What is it about me that I can't do anything right?

stay beautiful