If you are waiting for me to talk to you. Then NO.
He isn't available right now. He's sitting in one place exploring a world that doesn't exist and destroying the house that he imagined. His memories are cluttered on the floor. Cluttered like his floor. His face hurts, but its the fatal blow of an ugly stick... something he has always lived with. Its nothing more than another night.
Echo.
So... do what he does. Talk to yourself. You'll find that keeping yourself company... is as bad as him being the only company he has.
stay beautiful
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- Cringelord
- I have been told that I never fell in love. I have been told that I have no future because of my low grades in school. I have been told that I am going to die from Anorexia. I might never have been in love, but I'll show you how perfection is achieved.
It's funny you remind me of this guy..he had a different problem he was upset about being too beautiful. I'm not kidding and he was too good looking everyone thought he must be kind of dumb..he had beautiful woman syndrome where he always felt that people liked him only for his looks and he was always second best in everything else.
ReplyDeleteYou're obviously unhappy with your appearance but the problem is generally not one thing or the other its about being "broken" and looking for someone something to fix you and the truth is no one and no thing can only you can...anything else is temporary no drug, person, etc., will do it find what satisfies you even if the world tells you that you are worthless and you will be happy.
If a crazy fitness regiment and diet and working hard is the thing than do it..I find I am happiest when I'm pushing my limits. don't let other people dictate what you should do with your life. Life is short live today. sounds stupid I know but it's the truth
You make me so afraid. It's the tricky kind of fear I can't wrap my head around.
ReplyDeleteI don't know where you are, but I hope you're safe. I hope you are the opposite of me.
I can feel your panic, despair..almost taste it.
ReplyDeleteif you really think about it there is nothing that really matters that much anyway it's all an illusion no need to get super upset or super excited about anything. Oftentimes the victories mean nothing and the defeats turn to victory...who knows what the meaning is
Despair is nothing joy is nothing it's all in your head....
Miss you. I hope you're okay. I've been stalking your blog for a while now, since last November. I love reading your posts. You frequently voice my own thoughts; say things I would never consider saying out loud (or typing) for fear that it would make everything more "real".
ReplyDeleteI'm anorexic. I believe eating disorders only develop with a certain type of person, a "perfect storm" of sorts, and most of us seem to think differently than people who don't live among an eating disorder. So it would be normal for us to think similarly, but it's strange.. whenever I'm having difficulty with something, whenever I feel as if I'm suffocating in the same spot wishing to move forward in anything, or I have the same damn thoughts bombarding my head, screaming at me; I read your blog and you voice my agony. I feel like I'm not alone in this world. I feel as if there's another half of me out there, trying to get through the same hell I am.
You're probably reading this and saying, "Aw, fuck. This fuck-head thinks I'm like her?" Ha. I'm flattering myself by even comparing myself to you. You're amazing, truly. It's obvious that you don't see it, you're too fucking hard on yourself, but you are bloody brilliant. You have a motivation to BE something, the passion to study, read, be smarter, do SOMETHING; I haven't had that passion since I was in elementary school. I crave it. I need it. I want to be someone I can live with. Someone who doesn't crawl up in the corner of her mind and is too afraid to fucking speak because she's so afraid she is going to fuck up. I want that confidence, the motivation.. I want to stay up day after day and work my ass off like I used to, MOVE FORWARD, because if I stay here.. if I sleep my days away, I'm going to die in this place, not moving forward, years from now.. I feel as if I'm already dead. Dying. I need you to tell me I'm not alone. I need you to inspire me; tell me that you're still going. I admire you. I adore you. Please, just let me (and all your other readers) know you're okay. It would mean the world to me.
Also, thank you for being there for me through the hardest time in my life. Even though you had no idea. ;)
-bri