You don't need food to give blood

Seriously you don't.

And then tonight I binged. So horrible, my mother brought home steak, and they gave me a whole one... you know I should have come up with some excuse. I don't care much for steak anymore; I love to cook it, but eating it just isn't the same. And I ate half a winter squash. same thing. Should have had half that amount.

But I communicated with F-F today. Her daily life excites me with all the boring details. A sane person would be more interested in something else with her. But it is so interesting to me how she messed up and got a zero on an assignment and knows her mother checks her grades and will get angry. My mother was never that competent with checking my grades, and so I always was hit with one huge slam when I didn't do my work.

Speaking of school... I got lucky. I had project due dates moved, and work was accomplished just enough to survive the latest of the tempest before finals. I'm afraid of my grades, but I am also confident that most of this is going to work out.

I am so fat at this moment. When i looked at myself in the mirror after eating that steak I looked like a pregnant woman (with male gonads). Sorry for the disgusting imagery there, I did think it was semi-attractive, but at the same time I was able to just hold my body a different way, pull in the abdominal muscles and standing with a straighter posture, and I looked thin again. As soon as I let go I was a slob. I'm confident I have no change. Even if I was to try to gain weight from the binge, I still have to recover from giving blood. Which was awesome. I got a free ice cream coupon, and I gave it away to a girl in my last class. I'm quite sure there is not a romantic interest for me by her. But I'm really dull to this sometimes. She thinks I am a good guy because I tell her all the time I can cook and stuff, but she is always boy crazy for someone else. I suspect no trouble from her, and even if there is something on her side... I'm not interested in her. She is tall, and blonde, blue eyes, and thin by the standards of society, but if I look at her she isn't small enough. Yes I'm cruel with my judgment, so I feel kinda bad, Because in my head I am so mean, I try to be nice in person.

Also diving into some random books I downloaded online. I'm sad... I can not find ANYTHING on Anorexia. I want a scientific paper, or a book of some kind that goes into detail about anorexia. It frustrates me how I never find anything on the subject. I am in the process of downloading a handbook on eating disorders, but I suspect it is old, mostly useless, and I will not be satisfied with it.

Gosh... my veins are so vivid right now. It must be from giving blood. I love this... I just want to give blood again.
Who knows... I might save your life! My blood is O+, I can give to lots of people!
Today, I concluded you don't need food to give blood. You just need the will to not fall asleep... the whole day long. Haha. Take care!

Stay Beautiful