I don't appreciate being treated this way

I know how useless anger is at accomplishing things. But right now I have nothing to build. I want to feel justified being angry or upset or any of those other 'negative' feelings that other people don't want to see. And I want to be free to express those feelings to the shits that attempt to talk about my suffering.

I think its hilarious that when I saw my mother today and she basically gave me $150, told me I was treating her like shit (i was) and left.
Don't put yourself into these sort of relationships if you can help it.

I attempted to set up boundaries of what we could or could not talk about. She crossed those boundaries. I was cross with her. I'm a total dick when I want to be. Suck me.



Anyways besides that I wasted my life on video games today. Morning started out with an accidental fast, but I decided its okay to eat at some point during the day. $20 is the cheapest I've seen a kilogram of creatine before so I decided it would be a fun thing to try sometime. I might start working out again... I don't really see it though. Right now I have no focus in life. I'm mentally recovering from financial stress, but I've always kept such a strong budget that I never have to worry about completely running out of funds. I also have an account that is set aside. I do live my life as though that could collapse at any time because I just don't trust it. I can't just trust that I'm not getting scammed somewhere.




Some people are happy with me. Some I don't know what they feel.
I don't know what I feel most of the time. I think that is the point of this blog. I'm sorting it out. Also I really want to show my ugliest features somewhere. Also I often feel like I'm not supposed to feel something that I really do feel and that suppresses that. Going back to the beginning of today's post I want to fully express my anger, but all I did today was be a dick. I want to inflict so much more damage to something.
I don't know yet if I want to kill something- or do something else that is criminal. I just want to be allowed to express anger. I hate how I don't get to be genuine with my feelings.

Am I allowed to lose weight when I am the current weight that I am? I don't even know how much I weigh. If you are reading this and are curious I can weigh myself at work tomorrow. We have a scale that weighs incoming product and shipments. I can turn it on and step on and report back tomorrow night what the official number is.

Its something I'll consider for whoever it is that reads these posts.