I've never broken a promise

I might travel for the summer again. I might be rooted in this same mundane life that I'm currently in.

There are people that want me to go: they are the majority. There are those that want me to stay: they enjoy me.


I have a friend who's birthday is today. Its 2 hours in... what shall I say?
I'm sorry I've been ignoring you. I have been thinking about you. I've been thinking about how little love i have for you and how much love you have for me. I've been thinking about how if I got close enough you would attempt to snuff out this illness: which I love more than you. I've been thinking about how sick I'd like you to be. How lazy you are. How much I despise that.
I forgive you, but I don't need to. You have done nothing wrong except falsely accuse me of not caring and not being helpful. I've financially assisted you. I've given you my time and I've tried to help with your day to day health and happiness when I'm with you. Even when its hurt me... Except I have a pain threshold that prevents me from getting to close. I'd rather be alone than with you.

I really don't want to be alone.

but again I'd rather be alone than live with cognitive dissonance.

I did something fun today. I moved a couch.
Couches are often literally too fat to go through a door without considerable effort. Glad I'm not that fat.
The friend who I helped was exhausted by the end. I've always found a way to give less effort and get the job done. That is how I feel about everything. School. Weight loss. Work. I've always done the least work I can and I'm actually proud of it.


If I travel I promise I'll take pictures that I will post here. You'll get to know exactly where I'll be if I get accepted. You can probably report me if you wanted because I'll probably post my face on here because I'm okay with being exposed now. I want more readers. I also want to disclose that I'm not open currently to making money with this blog right now. I might attempt to do a research based blog on food at some point that I could see myself attempting to monetize, but I want an audience right now.


I'm honestly that desperate for attention.