Happiness Withdrawal

I cried a little today.

Want to know why?

I cried because I was remembering something

I was happy

I cried because it was bothering me why I was so productive on a certain day 2 weeks ago. I couldn't figure out what I ate or what helped me sleep right. Why did I have so much motivation that one day?

Its spring and I wore a sweater today because the mood of today lowered my body temperature. I've lost a lot of mental energy and emotional stamina trying to forget... And if you know my blog you'll know I wouldn't break my principles and drink alcohol or do drugs to forget. I have to live through this: punishing memories that I have to serve like prison terms.


Its so silly because these memories freshly created- knowing what happiness feels like- are dead before the flowers of the season. The suffering of losing them will wilt before summer begins... Unless I get another dose.


I feel old now. The blogging community that I originally joined has left to live their life while I'm still here.
I'm still thinking these thoughts... I wonder if anyone else in that community still tries to lose weight.
Feels like the only thing I've accomplished is the happiness that isn't even in my control.



Its in her control