Unlucky

Normally my spending is way down, but from disasters to splurging on expensive stuff I might have spent $2000 in the past month. Very little of that money was on food.

I think I'm losing weight.
There are a few warning signs such as clothes that used to be tight not being tight and getting cold no matter what. The chills at night are the worst part of dancing into a lower weight. It feels like your body temperature can't get warm. You'll have every blanket on... I mean its early spring right now and it feels like my chest never gets that warm feeling that it does when i catch a good ray of sun in the summer. Even the daytime sun doesn't warm me enough this early in the season.

The chill reminds me of how alone I feel. Mostly because I've noticed that the chill doesn't exist if I am satisfied with someone.
Maybe its as simple as getting my mind off of it.
But who is really in control?


I feel like I eat normally, but every once and a while someone tries to explain what they eat to me and it reminds me I'm not the same. I'm never going to be the same...
I just have too few moments of weakness. I ate some carbohydrate heavy lentil crisps. Nothing over 400 calories worth of course, but still considered a mistake by my brain even if I do consider myself recovered. Other people mini guilt trip themselves when they eat off course so why can't I? Besides that all my other 'slip ups' have been me eating a little of a chocolate bar or truffle. I bought truffles recently just for me. It took me a week to eat a small 6 oz box of truffles.
I really do love chocolate.


Lately I've been fantasizing about planning out a fast.
I don't know why these things cross my mind.