don't know what

Of course I want more time.
And of course I don't deserve it.

Tomorrow I hope to clear some things out of my head.
I'm surprised I haven't gained weight.
Then again I do accidentally go most of the day without eating.
Can you believe I'm actually afraid of some foods still?
I still can't have two desserts
I still can't eat too much in a meal even if I skipped the previous one.
I have to eat my foods in a certain order and some foods aren't allowed at certain times of the day.
When it gets late enough at night I'm almost not allowed to eat anything.

Popcorn is one of my few safe foods, and that is only because I make it myself. Microwave popcorn is off limits.

I wish I had a group of people I could talk to about this stuff that I don't have to worry about exposing me.

Like... I can't let my family know.
Its not like its even a serious health concern anyways.
I've never really put myself in danger.
But my sister has problems and I can't let her know that I share...
I can't let her know that I don't like my weight and think I'm fat. Everyone would think I'm insane or impossible to understand if they knew I think that.
I don't want to think


stay beautiful