Repeating what they hear.
Afraid of new things
and so...
what is the word? The word that describes how pathetic their memory is, how easily distracted they are, how mundane what they talk about is... What is it?
Some people are so fake
like me
But sometimes I look at a person and I feel like I see right through them and can see how weak they are. In myself I can at least see that I'm stronger than how I'm acting, but there are some others... I don't know why they deserve to live when I really don't want to be here.
I keep getting urges.
To drive off the road
to plunge a knife into something
to fall from high buildings
I feel like breaking the rules. I just want to leave this game.
I think I just want to work for remedial money, enough to afford my fair share of silence and distance. And then I want to help people, while always refusing to let anyone help me.
I wish I could admit to the people that ask how I am
that I hate life, and I'd rather not they ask about why I feel that way.
but they always persist
even I don't know why I hate existing.
stay beautiful
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I don't feel like writing anything today. Attempting to think is like nails digging past my bones and into the jello that is my brain. So, forgive me if this doesn't make sense. Does anything I ever say make sense? Ha.
ReplyDeleteParrots.. I like that. Clever. I never thought of that. I usually go with the cliche.. Mindless beings, zombies, etc. Yours is better. Original.
I don't leave my house much. The mindlessness made me nauseous. Sometimes, it would rub off on me. Then I'd have to rehabilate in my room to recover from the pressure of trying to adapt for the sake of acceptance.. No. I did not accept it, but they did. They ate it up. They loved me. I would have rather slit my own throat as a sacrifice. Although, I'm not sure they would have liked THAT.
Stop playing the game is all I can suggest. Observing the game used to be amusing. Now it's suffocating.. If you happen to find a better way, let me know. A regular dose of silence and distance is a good way to maintain sanity.
Do you really want to help people for the sole sake of helping them? Or do you want love... Appreciation... Meaning... Purpose? Just a thought.
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