450

I have done 450 push-ups so far.

And I want to eat. I am hungry and my body is telling me to eat. Dinner is going to be ready in 30 minutes. But I am going to be gone. Wonderful huh?
I can't ignore the voice inside of me telling me to skip dinner. I can't escape it. 50 more... I need to do 50 more.

At least 500 today.

I have 2 HUGE papers due by tomorrow. Haven't started either. I am screwed. I might pull an all nighter. And then I will be screwed for Friday.

My life isn't in ideal circumstances right now. I almost can't take it anymore.
But I'm fine. I am doing great. I am working out. I look good. I feel smart. I am learning.

I'm a little lonely. And its sad. I have a girlfriend. Her feelings died. But I'm still trying... I'm still trying to make her smile and feel like that again. I was the best thing in her life for a month. And reality crushed me... I worried too much about her. I tried to make her eat when I saw her. She doesn't like me anymore. I act like I didn't notice. Like I'm just trying to bring the magic back. But I know that isn't it.

I binged on strawberries. Ha. That was 50 calories. But then again, I had about 10 glasses of milk today which is 1300. I wish milk was way lower cal... I feel like I'm a fat cow or some other bovine humanoid when I drink so many calories. Beyond that I ate some sweet potato, a granola bar before the 5am workout, and I had a glass of orange juice.

If I only worked on that paper.
And the other paper.

I would have been brilliant today...

Still. I'm impressed. 50 more to go and I got to 500.


Stay beautiful