Rereading what I never finished

5 Mandarins today. That is my rations. At least I have food today... And tomorrow I tend to have nothing.
For the most part I try to eat; I'm just so afraid of food because it costs money and I don't have money.
If I could afford food...

I'd like nachos
Portabello mushrooms for every entree
I'd try this interesting pumkin ice cream recipe I found
I might feel alright about thanksgiving.

I hate thanksgiving.
I wish I could just eat popcorn and not worry about family or having to prepare something special.
Popcorn is probably one of my favorite foods. I mean I can afford the seeds, its easy to make and has practically no calories. I think the weight loss is some evidence of that, because I eat a whole bowl of popcorn sometimes andwhile my body feels like it has eaten I've probably consumed less calories than if i ate an apple.

Not totally sure on that though...

And yet microwave popcorn is a fear food.


I'm just not getting better...

I tried one of those organic soup cartons while i was sick. I didn't refrigerate it after opening and phooey it ruined the leftovers. I actually like those.

Hm... and by like I mean its one of those foods I want to eat.
Its weird... most of the time not wanting to eat, then sometimes wanting it. I'm pretty sure I think about food all the time, but sometimes I am in a look but don't touch mood.
Like now.


I need some progress.
I hate haircuts. That happened too.
Some people need to be happy to live. I just need things to do. I need work.

What I have now isn't good enough and i feel it.



stay beautiful