Mumble

I know nothing
says the intelligent ones
says everyone

it doesn't matter
doesn't everyone say that?

bye...
why?

What if I was never here?
Never heard a word you said?

Its hard for me to be convinced that... the person that writes here exists.
I'm just so... different in the world.
I don't remember the last time I've done something to be beautiful.
I've given up.

I guess its a good time to leave me
lots of people have been leaving my life


I'm having trouble facing it all.
So I do these things that don't let me think.
But then I lose myself.
or the me that I think I am.
Maybe I really am this concise
hollow
thoughtless
hopeless
coward

and not the book that I want to be.


I wonder what other people are doing with their lives.
Has anything changed?
I'm in the same place doing the same things feeling even less than I've felt before.
Things are breaking but I don't even stop long enough to think how to fix them.

The things I want to do...
I'm not even sure of those anymore.

I don't have any direction.
Nor power. I used to be powerful... and am I just going to complain that I'm not what I used to be? That I can't sleep right? That my dreams are crushed and so is my courage? I can't go out and try to do the things I want because I've been broken.
Its sad.
I'm just repeating myself.
Probably for a month or two or four.
Dammit.
I need to break something else.


Do you know why I named this post mumble?
Its because I'm constantly hearing people ask me what I said to them. Always. My whole life in fact. And they always accuse me of mumbling, but I don't believe I mumble that much. I believe I say things so glaringly obvious that people don't believe it came from my mouth. I'm expected to say astute things. I'm expected to make a peculiar observation every time. I've even been fooled into trying to live up to this expectation. I actually get angry when I'm wasting words. I'm always harping on how others say things they don't mean. When I do it people say I mumble.

Well how true is it?


stay beautiful