Doing nothing

I come up with novel ideas.

If only I were to implement them.


stay beautiful

Pokemon of the week

Self deception is a sin.
I think Pokemon is a form of self-deception.
But right now I would rather level up a Bronzor than worry about first week rate school work. 

Words words words.


What else is there?
One last note.  I haven't  wanted to lose weight enough to do something about it.  I want to study theory instead.

In my few lapses of lucidity I have seen the world as the ideas of old men. 




going shopping.


stay beautiful

When I grow up

My hand smells like fish.
I steamed fish today.  Talapia (sorry for spelling it wrong I think).
It took less time than heating something in a microwave.  Although it doesn't hold sauce if you steam it...  There could be a solution to this.

My love affair with food has overwhelmed me.  Today was the first day in what felt like a week where my stomach might have been empty.  I left for work and forgot food- earned myself 5 hours without a morsel.
I love that feeling when your stomach is tight: from not eating.


So continues the love hate relationship with food.
Although right now... its all love

stay beautiful 

Waiting

I couldn't do it on my own.  I can push myself, but as soon as it gets hard I quit now.
I took a 7 mile walk tonight.  Everything is getting easier.  And its all because...

I've eaten.
I've fallen in love with food.


Do you know a feeling of fireworks when you think of someone.  Sparks when you see their face.  Your face lights up when you get a text from them.
Yeah, food has been doing that to me.
I love food right now.
It makes me so happy.

I only couldn't eat meatloaf tonight because meat like that doesn't feel good.  If I had a choice I would have said no to it anyways.  I think ground meat is a waste of calories.  If you eat something it should be beneficial.  Meat isn't good enough.
Usually taste makes no difference to me.  Food is all about nutritional value.  Its why I eat plain yogurt instead of flavored so often, or why I eat spinach plain, or why I like all my vegetables.  Because I don't care as much about taste as I do nutrition.  If something tastes bad, but is good, I will eat it.
I've eaten everything.  I had 3 lunches today.

3 lunches does not equal 7 miles.
No.


I've also gotten that wonderful sparkly feeling from Milk.  Or is she Squash?


I had the day off of work today.  I thought I would work today.
So when I went in and wasn't on the schedule I called a friend.
I gave her butterflies.
I could tell.

There was a moment when she wanted me to lean in a little closer.
But I wasn't going to do anything so kind and cruel.
She has the most beautiful hands and feet.  This other girl I have been friends with since high school.


Does it matter?
I'm just a love toy for other people.
Waiting for the real thing to myself.



stay beautiful

Saitey

I don't want to lead you on.

I've been talking to someone as a friend.  She is going through a rough time and I've said some things just because I was lonely.  She missed them thanfully
I've made a new friend.  I think she might find me to be even more interesting after meeting in person.  I don't want that.  I'd have to tell her that I'd rather wait for someone 5,000 miles away, and she shouldn't have someone that won't think about you.
I've seen a beautiful sight.  She has sapphire blue eyes and we are in drum corps together.  I foresee a friendship between us.  One that will last until August.

Life is so short.
I feel like I will die tomorrow.


So I tried to do an hour of running today.  I made it to 55 minutes.
I tried to plank for 5 minutes tonight.  I made it to 3 minutes.
I wake up at 5:50 Am tomorrow.  And I know what is going to happen.


I have seen the future before.
Sometimes I'll be talking with someone and I'll remember seeing the exact moment i am in before in a dream.  And I can recall what happens a few moments ahead.  I want to change the future every time I have this happen to me, but even when I alter my course everything else stays the same.
Time is inevitable.
Death will soon follow.



stay beautiful

I have today off.  All of it.  And I wonder what I should be doing with it.

I could run.
Maybe I could run for an hour if I tried.  I've done that before I could probably do it again.  I could spend all day running if I wanted to.

I could read.
I've got a book about the life of Sigmund Freud that I haven't started.  I also have The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner to read for myself.  Lolita is on my list.  I wanted to go to a book store soon to get a few things.

Should I work on the computer?
I completely failed.  I probably damaged some hardware and that is why it hasn't been cooperative.  My best guess is I broke it.

I could practice an instrument.
I hate music.

I could play video games.
I haven't done that in a while.

I could play pokemon.
But I'll be doing plenty of that at work on Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat.

I could find something... 
I'm smart enough.
Time to go
and start.



stay beautiful

Uncontrol

I tried to binge and I couldn't.
I took 10 bites.
I was going to eat a mountain.  Instead I ate one serving and was done.
My body stopped me.  Not my control.  I've lost control.

I'm shivering.
I've met someone interesting...
But I'm such a mess I've lost everyone else.

I need to leave now to help a friend.
Yet I don't want to.
This friend is using me for a ride and tried using me for a job.
He wasn't even available the hours needed for the job.
And I want his job.  He sucks at his second job.
We both have two jobs.  I would think we could act like we have something in common.
But we constantly play warfare on who is giving.
He has nothing to give.
So I'm always giving.
But he could use help.

I could use help.
But there isn't going to be anyone for me.



stay beautiful

Weak off

I haven't existed for a while it seems.
I spent an entire day indoors.  I've missed a lot.  But I'm hibernating.  I've been playing a lot of Pokemon.  I started a new game, and right before I started this one I did some finishing touches to the old one.

For those of you starving for details... its a SoulSilver.  I chose Cyndaquil, but he sucks, so I set him aside in the box after Bugzy for a Stantler I caught first try, a Machop I evolved to a Machamp, a Geodude made into a Golem, Togetic, Tentacruel, Laparas, Quilfish, and Red Gyrados.  I got the ice badge before the fighting and Steel badges.  Its a kickbutt round of pokemon.  I have gotten ridiculously lucky and will be in blackthorn city after 3 days.  Probably a lot farther.  I'll probably beat the elite four pretty easily.

I have a week off of work.  Its supposed to be punishment.  But I have my other job...   So I'll still be working.  I get a week off of one job.
I name all my pokemon...  Its kinda funny sometimes.
My Laparas is named Boat
Red Gyrados is Requiem
Stantler is Faust
Golem is Jobe (yeah, its misspelled, but at least the phonetics always come out right)
Voltorb is Square
Quilfish is Deathball
Tentacruel is Tybalt
I'll be evolving a Slowpoke into a Slowking and it will be named Cleopatra (its female)


Yeah... they all have names that fit their genders too.  So Faust is a guy and so is Boat and Tybalt.



I've mounted a 6 core processor to a motherboard tonight.
And I had a 5 hour shift.
So technically I've done something.
Life just feels like a big Pokemon adventure.


I'm not going to be a master...



stay beautiful

easy

Do you want what you want?


stay beautiful

I wonder if things will be the same

The date has changed.
So far I have faithfully called this year 2011.  I have not accidentally written 2010 out of habit.

If I would make something a habit, I would hope to have a choice in the matter.



stay beautiful
Thank you for a year.  You are such beautiful souls.


stay that way