I have an ugly face

I would like to pass out.

I'm supposed to write an essay tonight.  A short 1 page essay.  It feels too easy.  But I can't start.
I... feel so small.
I feel useless.
I feel uneducated.

I've lost the word.

My body is the only thing valuable about me.
I've lost every word.

You see this: is my current level of talent.
I can exegesis.
Whatever that means.
But I can't write.

Conjuncture.  Search for more.
Its in there.
Water.

Okay.  It should take effect soon.
Swallow.

Cold.




I watched the surface of the water as music played.  It never stops moving.  I wish I was like that.
This is going to be a long entry.  I have to write until I start the essay.

I'll try to summarize the topic for you.  You can see for yourself how simple the assignment is.
I don't know why I can't start it.  And why I couldn't start it before.  I tried.  Honestly. 

We watched a Movie "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington"
The movie starts out with some Senator dying.  The mayor is told the news, or maybe he is a governer.  Anyways, when a political member of congress (or at least in the Senate) is removed from office (death removes them from office btw) there is something called a "special election."  A special election allows for a new member to be 'voted' in by representatives instead of the people to replace the old guy immediately.  There is very little public involvement in this, but the people do have some say.  So they try to choose a guy that will serve their corrupt political goals.  Doesn't work.  The public declines.
The main plot revolves around a single bill, where $5 dollars is going to the building of a Damn for "power supplies for the people in the area" providing for all the families around a place called Willit Creek.  Turns out only one man owns land around that plot of land, he is a business owner and he holds regular meetings with the Senator he bribed in order to get that section of the bill written.
They need to fill a position still.  The Mayor guy that selects the candidate is told by his kid that "Mr. Smith" is the most American guy there is.  But Jefferson Smith as it turns out is a patriotic scout leader (an adult barely over the Senator age requirement) who runs boy scout programs and doesn't know about how a bill is passed.  He knows how to vote, knows the Declaration of Independence, can recite Lincoln's Gettysburg Address; basically is just proud to be American.  The mayor doesn't want to consider him.  But when he flips a coin to decide between the two people he wants to choose from, the coin lands on its circumference.  He chooses Jefferson Smith.
Jefferson Smith becomes a Senator, is sent to the capitol.  The first thing he does is see the Lincoln Memorial and the Declaration of Independence. 
He goes back there again and again.  It reminds me of myself... how I like to find meaning in something else and visit it a lot.  Its why I walk to the train tracks, or why I go to PrettyThin and PrettyAlone or DeviantArt.  I belong in these places...
I know a few other places I belong... but I don't have the money or education to go there.  I don't belong in a house.
No.
Hell no.

Never...





the point is...  I haven't written this essay.
But I will.
At least I'm writing...



I'll get it done, but I don't like it.
My life
Right now


stay beautiful