Poison and sleep

My best friend had his 21st birthday last night.

I like usual didn't drink. But my friend, my sister, my other friend and the roommate all drank. The roommate also got stoned out of his mind, yet he was also the most useful person there. Goes to show how lethal pot is right?

I didn't drink on my 21st birthday because I don't ever want to drink alcohol. I know part of me says it is too many calories. But even if that part of me died I wouldn't want to drink.

I wish pieces of me would die.
It is hard to know if death is better than sadness. The closest I have to death is sleep.
And sleep... I wish I could get more of it. Endless sleep sounds so wonderful. Dreaming, even if you don't remember the results. Its the twisting of the story, its as real as fantasy gets. Perfect fantasy.


Two people threw up. I wanted to ask if they tasted the pizza on the way out... that was always something that annoyed be about pizza was that it was such a terrible food to purge. So big and the taste of pizza watered down with hydrochloric acid...
But lets not pretend like I had a problem with that. Of the few times I purged it is true though that pizza was the meal prior.

My drunk friends can say some dumb things and wake up asking why they ever did something. I live with ever decision. I know I decided for every mistake. Every time I hurt myself was practically on purpose. All this shutting the world out is my doing.
When drunk its like an alter-ego doing all the evil for you.
I don't have excuses.


Its interesting.
My whole life feels pointless.
but I like talking to you Alice


stay beautiful