ihate

Apparently I don't like my roommate.
Not enough to cause a fight, but enough to talk of his faults much more often than the good side of him.
And when I talk about his faults I think about mine. And wonder if I am a worse person than he is.

I have decided I am not.
But I hold myself to a much higher standard... and he might still get somewhere in life because he is more sociable whereas I have given up on trying to get along with the world.
I refuse to conform because everyone else does.

Little things... such as using the phrase "how are you?" casually
that there is a negative stigma to death, pain, suffering, sadness, depression, eating disorders
that most believe that people have the right to think/believe whatever they want

I hate those three things.
Just those fundamental differences between me and most of the people in this world make a barrier.
A wall.
4 walls and a roof if I shield myself enough.
Almost a house
A house for me to call home.

If I shelter myself and refuse to change...
But I don't
I just refuse to change to be like them.
I will change, but it will be to love those who suffer more and to find better ways to care about humanity and to hopefully find a way to fix those people that are wrong.
Not the people that are sad and suffering... those people aren't wrong.
Just the stupid people... I want to kill their idiocy.


I guess there are reasons no one trusts me with power
and reasons more so that when I have power I have no idea how to use it

stay beautiful