All for 1.83

So not quite nothing.
But to some people that is nothing...
And as life threatening as it is to get low grades.
Its not even the grades I'm interested in. But if I want to stay afloat I'm going to have to change that part of me.

I hate changing...
I've noticed I'm very resistant to change. I've always had a built in recovery system where if I feel like I'm losing too much weight I eat a little more to keep my focus. But I know I'm just trying to stay the same...
I think.
I don't even know anything.
Especially me.

Here I am with terrible posture. Seemingly I've given up on everything. Seemingly to the data...
I don't know why it is I can't try for anything. I feel like I'm trying to get past this stage of life in as few moves as possible. Getting up as little as I can. Eating only when it must be done. Nothing extra?
Hm...
But I have been doing things extra even though i don't want to.
Its really pathetic... but I was hoping that this break would give me relief from what I think is an addiction to video games.
I really feel that weak.
I can't do anything without wanting to play... because playing makes me feel like I can do something right. And when I take a break from the work I want to play more. And when I'm tired and need to sleep I just want to play more. When I wake up I want to play before I eat. I'm lost.
Already.
No wonder I'm so useless.


I wonder why it is that no one else suffers like me...
If they don't care about their grades they also don't care about the class, they also don't care about the material, they don't care if they learn or not, they just want to get through it. Where in my case I care... I want to leave with the knowledge, and most of all I don't want the class to end (no matter how tormenting my failures are) until I have succeeded.
Why can't school be like that?


stay beautiful