Losing weight/myphysicalself

I've never been so... on track.

I could say I'm tired but I don't know how true that is.  I can somehow still run for miles and miles even though I barely have enough energy to feel.  Serious.  Sometimes I can see my hands touching, but I can't feel what I'm touching.  Instead I get the sensation of blood sloshing in my arms or something, like my body is so weak that the blood accidentally flows the wrong way sometimes.  I know this isn't true, if I can run for miles I still have a strong heart.
But it might be all I have.
I'm so weak...  I plank for 2 minutes and almost pass out.  I saw the ground 1 millimeter from my face, but I was higher than that... it was just my vision spinning.  Whenever I close my eyes I feel myself spinning.  I like to imagine I'm just more perceptive and feel the rotation of the Earth.


Descartes is full of crap.
Serious...  He was blinded by his opinion that God existed.  It caused him to make a mistake in the First and Second meditations... well mostly second.  "I am precisely and only a thing that thinks"
WRONG
You might not know what I'm talking about...
But Descartes is brilliant.  He knew a lot about how little people can be certain of.  He begins first meditations by saying he has assumed a lot of things in his life and should stop that.  Eventually it crosses his mind that he might be dreaming, and that his body isn't real, its just a piece of the dream.  He tries to somehow prove he is awake, but it seems no matter what he thinks he could just be dreaming.  Even his mathematics,  2+3=5 might be fictions that he made up in a dream.  He doubts everything... and eventually he finds one thing he can't deny.
He says he must exist.  Because, if he were to doubt his existience, it would require HIM existing.  Brilliant.
But he didn't know exactly what he was if he couldn't be certain his body was real.  Even though he knew HE existed, he could just be a ghostly imagination making everything material around him up.  His body could still be part of some dream or deception.  So he goes from here to ASSUME he is nothing but a thing that thinks.
Full of crap.
Because I'm more than a thing that thinks.
I am a brain.  Yes, it takes a physical brain in order to think.  If you removed a chunk of my brain essential for moving my hands then I would never be able to move my hands, thus never think those hand moving thoughts.  If you took out the piece of my brain that helped me store memories I'd never make new memories.  I need it to think.  I am not only a thing that thinks, I am a PHYSICAL thing that thinks.  You see, with Descartes' assumption and his declaration that you can never be certain your body is real he invented a dualist universe, where spirits and bodies coexisted.  THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SPIRIT.
Sorry if you believed before.

I'm obsessive.  More than ever.
I'm lonely.

So lonely...
And dizzy.

I've been eating...
but I've never been so
on track


stay beautiful