Pas de deux

Dancing with someone,
forgetting.
Smiling isn't really possible at the moment


Crying makes my head hurt


I don't mind
What's on your mind?

Why do people not talk about themselves; what do they have to hide?  The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.  Yet a lot of people would rather be invisible.  They disagree.
Being born a human supplies me with certain tendencies.  I tend to feel social.  Like I need communication to be alive, but I know this to be a lie- I've gone a few days without talking and survived well enough.  It was hard to not be able to express thanks to people when they did favors for me, but overall I was relieved because I didn't have to argue or assert myself when I was silent.  I endured and suffered.
So it makes me question where the social instinct came from and what use it has.  Is this social instinct just another mechanism of the body to assist in finding a mate?  It matters that much?  I wonder how mindless I am as a human being.




I stared off into space for a good time.  I wouldn't recommend it, but I wouldn't tell you not to do it.
I remember when I was younger I used to spend time doing nothing.  I still spend time doing nothing, but sometimes when I'm doing nothing I'm planning out the next day in my head or throwing things away or otherwise using my hands to rearrange things.  Sometimes music plays in the background.  But its still nothing.  Not the same nothing anymore...
I'm not going to be worth reading tonight.

I read the previous post.  I'm a little disappointed.  It looks like I wrote that while I was 15.  The year I still didn't know the thoughts in my head.  Now I know, I don't want to admit, and I tell anyways.  And I lie...  I lie a lot.  But my mind is full of contradictions.
I think you can blame the truth for all my lies.
Why does the truth change?

I used to lay down and tell myself I was doing nothing, then I'd stop telling myself that or anything else and I wouldn't plan anything.  I'd daydream, but never in sentences... nothing in language, and I'd forget all of it.  So I used to be pretty good at doing nothing.  It seems I've lost that talent because I hit the end of my day and before I close my eyes because the numbers of the clock are too high I look back and see I've had to spend every minute working for something.
Maybe not...
Maybe I do a whole lot of nothing...


I really want to take a walk for a day.  I want to wake up and walk something like 30 miles because that would be so easy and that is all I want to do.
I think I'd lose weight if I did that for every day for a week.



I don't see any future

And even though the same words had been echoing in my head my whole life and I felt like she knew exactly what I was feeling I still felt misunderstood, mislead and lost.
I don't know what I look forward to anymore.



stay beautiful