It feels like its too late for my mind. I mean I'm already mentally ill. What even is the cure after being mentally broken? Does everything- medication, meditation, mediation, mastication- all middle down into damage control? Erasers are a concept that paper and whiteboards know. Memories aren't so easy to clean ink stains from.
Yet still I wonder when its actually too late. Sometimes I lose the connection with joy like its a song that stopped playing or a video put on mute. The perception disabled.
I picked up the easiest book I could because I had 2 books with markers in them that I haven't been able to joy.
And then the 12th page of harry potter and the philosopher's stone made me cry. It was close enough to joy for me to put the book down and enter a sleep inked fully black.
My will to communicate feels broken too. I delete messages to everyone and hours later I realize I never sent anything.
So why am I waiting for a reply?
I wonder if I can focus enough to make something. Not of myself, as I'm as worthless as the junk fort I live in. Something out of the thoughts I have.
I'm not currently sure what a coherent plan is.
I did write something to the-void
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