Clearly unfocused

I feel like I'm currently in a spiritual realm where I'm hovering between different futures.


One future I actually succeed in school but don't make progress anywhere else.

Another I start to build a business out of homemade healthy foods and end up with either a basket of experience or a stockade of items and tons of networking work ahead of me.

And the most alluring of them all... a universe where my BMI is so low that sometimes forces me into treatment.



Anyways... an adjusted BMI calculator puts me at a 16 BMI today. 185cm and 57.6kg.  I'll be getting lower.


I've been using a calorie tracker faily religiously. I've only missed 2 or 3 days since I started the tracker. MyPlate is a good app. I'm also proud that I've gotten over 100% of the fiber it recommends almost every day.



I almost haven't been working. It scares me a little because financially i worry. But I just need to stop spending money on food and I'll accomplish two things... getting thinner and not spending all my money.


I need to run today or tomorrow. But I have a lot of school work to do today. So it might not happen today. (probably will not happen even though I feel like i NEED it). I'm craving running like its a frickin food group right now.



It feels too difficult to focus today. Yesterday was like that as well. I think I was like that Monday. My thoughts are like bees and I can't hear their happy song humming because all I think about is buzzing.




I don't know what will calm everything down, but I remember after waking up and weighing myself and doing the BMI calculation it felt like I started the day accomplishing something.
Can you tell I watched the 'make your bed' video where the advice given to graduating peeps was make your bed?