The bid for happiness

What do you want? If you can name something you can likely name the amount of money or effort that will lead you there.

I want to lose weight.
Just takes less calories in then out.
I also feel that there could miracle drugs to accelerate the process. Like meth.
If I was to take meth my reason would be to lose weight. I don't need transient pleasure or even to have the mindblowing experience a drug can take you through.


I think I've gained weight.
I've at the very least lost motivation and energy. Which is what I used to think kept the weight off of me.
I'm so weak and ashamed of my body now.
My eyes leak with tears because I spend so much time in front of this screen. Sometimes because I feel pathetic, but usually just because I've spent too much of myself here.

Its beginning to warm here. I'll soon hear the complaints of others and the whine of Air Conditioning wherever I go. And I'll be fine with the sunshine because I'll remember how it felt in the winter to feel like I would never be warm. I'll let the heat burn me and singe away my sweat because to me I finally don't have to try to feel ... what is the word I am looking for? I mean to say something comforting. Something like complete. But I know that warmth doesn't change anything in me. It is just preferable to the cold. I find it amusing how uncomfortable warmth is to others, when I don't feel hot until the temperature is much higher.
And even when it is too hot for me I can still function in the heat.


Waiting and letting time pass seems to be a hobby of mine.
And because of that I can't get anything else done on time



stay beautiful