Oddly enough I hate sleeping in. Often it ruins all my plans, and to me my plans are worth more than my health. I mean at least that is coherent with the eating disorder.
The worst part about sleeping in is how difficult it is to sleep the next day. At midnight I wont be tired at all, and often it will stretch later into the night. Then I'll be forced to sleep in the next day, the restless hours will prolong and eventually I'll be sleeping when the sun rises.
Its such a small complaint just because I easily make do with it. The concept of sleeping in still irks me.
I'm glad I didn't take advantage of the most recent lady to be attracted to me. She said something to me about how everyone meets someone for a reason. And I knew to her it meant that I was linked to her by destiny.
I do believe that, I just believe that destiny is also something that can simply be made. I can destiny myself into running a marathon. I destiny'd myself into being underweight.
Perhaps the way I describe it can be perceived as demeaning. But I think the meaning I am looking for is that uncontrollable destiny can still be slightly controlled.
Damns can at least tell you where the flood will occur when they fail. And so my best efforts to create a destiny where I die to my own mind can likewise be an overfilled drowning simulator.
I've always wondered if I could be a healthcare provider for people that have mental illness. Because when I see self inflicted wounds I empathize to my core. And I have a craving to share deeper.
I don't know if I could work with that around me.
But I do know I'd like it.
