My way of doing it

I made a new friend. Her name is ribcage or maybe... maybe she is just another butterfly.

I don't know yet I haven't met her. But she and I started this thing called the ABC diet.

I really hope no one catches me doing this.

I'm not sure it is safe, but she is helping me. I'll do me best to survive. I'm overshooting almost every day by 100 calories just to be safe. I mean the diet probably wasn't intended for someone at my height.


I've been consistently weighing at 125lbs. This is about that time where I should be taking pictures as often as possible because even if I'm not the goal weight yet I'm close enough to look like it.


I've been having dreams where terrible things happen. Like one of the dreams I woke up and I already knew what had happened, but I looked in the mirror anyways because I needed to know the extent of the damage. I had pulled out over half of my hair and I had a fuchsia spiral rash on my scalp. Everything itched so bad that I wanted to pull out the rest of my hair. I didn't even know if I could blame myself because I apparently did most of the destruction while unconscious. I knew I'd have to shave my head because of the possibility that someone would accuse me of being anorexic.


And in another dream I was caught in the act. Someone had somehow accessed my phone even though it had the fingerprint scanner and knew where to look to find what I've been doing. Thy would see the stats on the calorie tracker app, they would interpret them, and I would have to come up with answers. And this dream kept rewinding every time I gave a reason it would rewind again and I'd have to say a different reason.

its a coping mechanism

I'm so poor I can't afford food

I can't make myself happy

This is my identity

I haven't gone deep enough

School stresses me out too much

I have a shitty job

I can't accept myself

No one else accepts me

I require more love than the world can afford

I desire things I shouldn't 

I need to be punished


I just want to die and this is my way of doing it