This year November

I plan to weigh myself this November sometime and possibly post some pictures. I'm a bit sad about it because at one point I was really thin again, but I lost it... I had bruises from sleeping my body was so weak.

I just wanted attention is all.

Stay beautiful 

November

Manifesto

As insane as Elliot Rogers was, he documented his life quite aptly. And I'm convinced I'm just about as insane.

Thankfully I obsess over different things than he does. And I prefer to enact vengeance through profound love

Stay beautiful

Nonpolar lotions

My body has gotten tired of fighting the poison oak. I can feel it. My lungs ache from this battle and while my head tells me I am starving I can't eat any more. I've got no time for digestion.

I keep waking up after 4 or so hours of sleep from the rash. Both arms, and armpit, forehead, left ear, left knuckle, hips, inner thighs, balls, dick, and right eyelid.

I've gained a few insights from this. I believe acne treatment helps solve it. Tonight is the night I'm trying, as acne treatment is meant to pull the oils out of the face and poison oak is an oil, something like a 22 chain carbon compound. It absorbs through the skin slowly because of its size, but so heavily nonpolar that water will slide off it like... Well there isn't much in the ways of nonpolar commodities for comparison. In two days it will have been a week of suffering.

I've suffered before.

I can do it again.

Stay beautiful

Hilariously enough I got poison oak everywhere after making that infected post. Go me

Infected

I know what the dashes spell out for your blog name.

I felt I had to make a post because there is something bothering me. But I doubt it will cease to bother me until my memory neglects it long enough to let the forgetting pick it up.


The position of acceptance for a female in society is so largely based on her weight. A fat girl has so fewer doors open to her on boyfriend she can get if she wants one. If she just changes her weight without changing anything else the world opens up to her.
In my own mind I just keep wishing girls could never get fat.

I think I am as shallow as the next guy. But I like to blame my mental illness on why I am that shallow. I have tried to be intimate with a person who had a body i did not agree with or lust for. It was dizzying even if i admired the character and facial features. I honestly felt like purging. I could go on to explain every symptom of my discomfort, but I feel it is simply sufficient to say the reaction was a whole-scale physiological rejection. I can't control how my body feels or if my autonomous nervous system wants to activate fight or flight or release bile.
And I'm deeply sorry for that. I feel terrible.


Hopefully at the very least I can cover up these feelings to only myself being affected.
Infected


Stay beautiful

Do not ever forget this

Love is a disease where the whole objective of the disease is to convince you that being sick is a good thing

Stay beautiful

re

I feel that I am slowly making my way back to the real world

I wasn't missed

And I didn't miss any of this.

Time to stop being so weak

Stay beautiful 

grey

Some people

Are like paintings in a museum that you stand 6 feet away from

And you just want to touch them

Stay beautiful