I'm not trying
I guess I'm just hoping for something to turn up for me.
Not trying...
Not trying...
Thoughts are like water.
If you hold a glass half empty at first you don't feel the weight. But if you held that glass for entire day its weight would strain your arm. The same goes for these thoughts that strain my form.
How am I to ever love myself if I always hold these thoughts in my mind. How did they get there? Why can't I just pour them out?
There is a friend of a friend that I find interesting. Because she gets sad too. And while she has a boyfriend I'm not sure they talk about it. I don't think she talked about it with her previous boyfriend, and when it did come up that was why he left her. All of the friends that I had between me and her said she went crazy.
I guess thoughts can do that to a person. If you hold them long enough. If you are afraid of what might break when you drop them.
Or if they hurt.
My life has progressed to the point where I am completely turned off to alcohol. I don't even like it when others around me drink* (to get drunk). Because its idiotic.
The reason for people drinking is even dumber to me. I've asked a few people, and while this might not be true for all people every person I have asked says they drink for the same exact reason.
Freedom. To be the person they think they are. To gain the confidence to be someone they can't be when sober. To escape being boring and mundane.
And when I see them drink, then buzz, then flop around and get sick I ask if they accomplished what they set out to do.
In my opinion they didn't, but alcohol is a great deceiver.
When you drink it you think you can walk straight, but you can't even walk.
You think your flirting is so smooth, when you can't talk or type worth anything.
You think it makes you funny, when you have the coordination of a newborn.
Maybe I don't know how to enjoy life.
I don't care.
I'm not even living.
Its so easy to blame others...
Stay beautiful
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Your best post yet, Love. You are growing (mind my love, NOT body) Learning. Making some really profound connections, and you are moving forward ever more toward your own personal enlightenment. I cannot wait. I A
ReplyDeleteM SO PROUD OF YOU.
♥ BRI
For now, trek on.
This was very interesting to read today.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same about alcohol. Although I still find myself succumbing to needing a vice on the rare occassion that it all gets a bit much. I hate that I do it. I'm not using it to cope as I once did but I rather like the way I sit and let my thoughts be more fluid - even if they aren't quite graspable and sticking to one another when I finally start to make sense of them. I guess you just hope that you'll remember that 'brilliant idea' later on. (Not often).
You know very much how to enjoy your life as you. Don't conform to the crap that seemingly makes up what the 'norms' of society are, where upon step-back reflection they seem so stupid and alien. You are more than that. Always were and will be.
Keep yourself in this, there's always going to be a supportive love from someone. Words from afar. I hope you smile a least twice (really big grins) today X