reality

This is why you don't just tell someone who hasn't been eating to just eat. It hurts. A lot.

Stay beautiful

I can't

I'm sore all over and cold. My head hurts and I haven't eaten in quite a while. I feel terrible, but more importantly I look that way. It's good to show weakness; and I want this. I want to hurt. 

I should... Push myself and see if I can make this worse.

Do you ever feel that the best thing that could happen to you would be to have an injury that hospitalizes you for a week or so? I wish... Something like that would happen to me.

Maybe it would be worth the pain

Stay beautiful

/endrant

I want to quit with the subtlety. I just want to crack.

I want to be far away from the people I know. I hate them. They hate me. I want to be useful. I don't care about being happy. I don't even need a good day, i just need to accomplish something. The only thing i care about is my body and I want to break that.

I want to be thin. I want to snap. I want to be brittle. I want to break.


What good is there in me? I can't focus and therefore I cant succeed. I can't beg for help. I can't ask for what I need. I'm so freaking angry and I have... so little... to lose.


But I have no power. My threats wouldn't be worth anything because they come from a person that isn't worth anything.
I could be accepted for all of my flaws, but I don't even want that. I want to be ignored. Left alone. Put on rations.

I don't care about success. I just want out.



stay beautiful

Effortless

I've given up.

Literally my ambition right now is to be as invisible as possible. I strive to be forgettable. 

A friend I saw briefly told me he has trouble with losing himself in his smart phone when he doesn't know what to so. I've adopted this simply because it works and is acceptable. 

And so easy.

My life is so easy.

I'm purposely not sleeping correctly because then I'm too tired to listen or do anything. 

Being boring is so

Effortless 

Stay beautiful