Killer fantasy

Look. Its easy to post links and think you have the power to change things.

But you don't.
The mind isn't that easy to fix.
How does therapy work for you?
Does it even work?
Do the pills save you or is it your survival instinct that finally woke up when everyone else was looking.


If I were the executioner I would have killed myself many times.
I've been having dreams during the day of killing everyone
And then my dreams at night are about how the stars look under the dark of the middle of the pacific ocean. What if I didn't exist so I could hover above the water?
Would it be so beautiful that I would wish to return to the world?



stay beautiful

When you have a problem

I'm with a drunk friend.
He really wasted himself tonight, but he also broke personal boundaries.
He was so proud of getting the number of a girl because it is the first number he has ever gotten from a girl before- aside from study groups.

I'm writing this as he passes out on the couch behind me.


People ask me why I don't drink... because I don't let the alcohol even touch my lips. Not even the ice cubes after the drink is gone.
To be honest alcohol is my number one fear food.
But its also because the person that I hide from society is an ice storm of depression. Its not the guy that can turn on charisma when he needs to and values the strength of a few floating words in a sea of silence. It would be a frozen tar pit. I'm willing to bet I'd leech off others, I'd freeze the moment, and corrupt.

I'm so corrupt on the inside.
I don't drink because I don't want the calories.
But I mostly don't drink because I don't want to be who I really am.



stay beautiful