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This book is so intense. I was going to read another chapter and go to sleep. I knew in the back of my mind that something terrible was about to happen. As I broke through the words the feeling crept to the prefrontal cortex. Now I wonder if I can sleep after reading that.


Fiction is insane.

I don't see why anyone would want to read about the real world or even interact with it when fiction has the potential to be so much greater than anything physical. When fiction lives up to its destiny its like an infection.

Unavoidable.
Transmittable.
Permeable.
Lethal.


I think in all my time with calorie restriction I've only ever fasted 5 days of my life. Today I had reduced meal frequency, but physically I feel like I can't handle an empty tank.

I'm actually reassured by my weakness.



I've been a useless, developmentally slow adult for a while now. I'd like to blame it on my low wage and the inflexibility I have to change my routine. I even rationalize my starving by saying its just the starving wages. When I see other people spend money it feel like they belong in another world. Maybe they are just as unreal as the fiction I read...



When I'm deeper in the book I'll drop its name.
I should be careful who I recommend this book to, because unlike the other books that I've read that swallow you up and spit you out this one has some real teeth. I feel like I'm experiencing the trauma of the characters just from believing its possible this could happen. This is more brutal than the book about contagious blindness and society falling apart when no one could see. Its fast and stylistic like an Ellen Hopkins book. But crude, unlike her poetry. This makes it more believable. There are gaps in the story, but you know whats happening.


I never finished my other book. I may have even left that at my parents' house. In fact, I started this book saying that I gave up on not starting it.

Maybe I should adopt that attitude a bit more. I should give up on being a total failure. I should give up being poor. Afraid. Lonely. Broken. Messy. Unreliable. An escapist. Weak. Lazy. Worthless.



I should give up
Every
thing