I haven't seen you for a while

Its been so long since I last saw you

Yeah. It feels like I'm happier without seeing the people that love me.


Its crazy when you live in the world of a twisted mind. You don't feel love the same way others do and so you can't interpret their feelings properly. I personally discredit the love others feel.
I guess my issue is that in order to be loved I have to feel known first. I don't feel that way. All too often I get people that tell me they do not understand me. It gives me some perspective though when i encounter someone I do not understand. As a side note I find someone I do not understand very difficult to harbor any love towards.

Most of the time people are boring. They aren't worth knowing. Its like some of the books you have to read for school where the language is archaic and the storyline is so far removed from today's technology and setting that its hard to get into it. Actually the problem typically isn't the technology or lack of proper hygiene. Usually its cultural norms that have been discarded where the disconnect occurs.
The same cultural insignificances cause people to become boorish. Pop culture is shallow. Even practices that have stood with time lack content. Always just the title of the book.  But what else would you judge a character off of?

Some books though... just a struggle to get through.


I must be one of those books.




Have i mentioned lately what I've learned about intelligence?
I've noticed that the difference between the smart people and the dumb people; even when comparing something that is interest based like book smarts vs weed smarts that the largest delta occurs with how long a period of time the smarter person is willing to devote to answering a question or solving a problem.
Its not just time. Time is just the easiest to measure. Motivation is another important factor and much more difficult to track.
Its so obvious, but when you attempt to teach a child how to be smart while others are attempting to teach the same child how to intelligent the approach is so different with this in mind.

Often people will try to steer a child's interests towards something regarded as 'for smart people'. Such as science kits or playing with legos instead of linkin logs because legos would be for the smarter kids.
When you instead hold to the principle that motivation and time are the only factors that matter you don't care what is played with. Instead you attempt to bridge interests like toy cars with uninteresting items like plastic bottles. You show a child a toy car made from a plastic bottle; you ask them which of 5 different sized and colored plastic bottles they would enjoy a toy car of the best.... you attempt to awaken something.

I think there is a weakness to this line of approach. I think if you give away enough answers or you guide too much you destroy divergent thinking early.
If you teach a child that a paper clip is for keeping paper together over and over and over again you might miss out on the phase where a paperclip is a metallic line oragami or the key to neverland or a stirring rod for a mud concoction.
When the answer is found there isn't much more reason to search.

Which reminds me of something else that came across my mind while trying to understand how intelligence could be passed on to others. (forgive me always using children as an example; the young are simply the easiest to brainwash). The formula works best when there is pursuit beyond a sufficient solution/answer.


I'll admit I do not believe I have any idea of a program or way to set up a life to make someone smarter. I'll admit that I don't have a giving enough heart to desire such a thing to exist.

So why do I think about it. Am I just trying to prove myself intelligent by abiding to my own principles? Am I in a way motivated to try to prove myself superior that I'll make up the rules just so I can play by them?

I don't know.



And whatever it is in me that makes me feel unloved, unknown...
Feels like the exact same locus of my dissatisfaction with the half answers the universe gives me.