You suck when you try

Sorry about yesterday's post.  I tried to edit it and left mistakes.

Its moments like this where I wish I was the type to post pictures: you see I bought a labcoat in a women's size small and it pretty much fits me.  I was so happy it turned out so well.
I am in no classes that require labs, but I will make use of the coat as soon as I can.  I love science enough to do it on my own.

I have nothing else for myself this morning.  best wishes to you.

stay beautiful

I've grown to 6'2"

Without looking at the clock he knew the time had come.  Darkness still cloaked the room and the cold pervaded his skin.  The clock was telling him it was time to go.  Fluidly to a silent alarm.  Dress first, then think.  It was too cold.  In the dark room he looked back at the bed- left as a mess- and sighed.  It felt like he had been awake all along.  His mind asked him why he never slept, but to preserve the silence he did no reply.  There would be time later.  The bed waited and he thought to it "I'll get back to you"

stay beautiful

People have to eat

How long he was gone he did not know.  When light struck the retina of his eyes it was like fire.  Shutting the lids closed turned the light mild.  Behind his eyelids he saw red.  He turned his head and opened his eyes again, this time not looking directly at the sun.  How did he get outside?  Everything was calm but it was too calm.  There was no breeze, but it was bitter cold.  White sunlight still burned his sensitive eyes.  He decided to start walking.  There was no point in living if he wasn't going anywhere.


stay beautiful

Boys with ED's

Life hurts.
A lot.

I'm glad riffraff is alive.  That boy was someone I looked up to.  I'm happy he survived.



Sometimes after pain he went cold.  It was some time in the moment after the adrenaline washed away that the temperature was sapped out of him.  Desperate little hairs on his arms would stiffen to catch his receding lifeforce, but the effort only seemed to take more energy away from him.  For a moment it got so cold he thought he was dead.  He blacked out.  Asleep.


stay beautiful

Doing nothing

I come up with novel ideas.

If only I were to implement them.


stay beautiful

Pokemon of the week

Self deception is a sin.
I think Pokemon is a form of self-deception.
But right now I would rather level up a Bronzor than worry about first week rate school work. 

Words words words.


What else is there?
One last note.  I haven't  wanted to lose weight enough to do something about it.  I want to study theory instead.

In my few lapses of lucidity I have seen the world as the ideas of old men. 




going shopping.


stay beautiful

When I grow up

My hand smells like fish.
I steamed fish today.  Talapia (sorry for spelling it wrong I think).
It took less time than heating something in a microwave.  Although it doesn't hold sauce if you steam it...  There could be a solution to this.

My love affair with food has overwhelmed me.  Today was the first day in what felt like a week where my stomach might have been empty.  I left for work and forgot food- earned myself 5 hours without a morsel.
I love that feeling when your stomach is tight: from not eating.


So continues the love hate relationship with food.
Although right now... its all love

stay beautiful